The Funniest Quotes of Shaquille O’Neal’s Career

Photo Credit: Stickman/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images

The Funniest Quotes of Shaquille O’Neal’s Career


4x NBA champion and 15x All-Star Shaquille O’Neal not only is one of the most dominant figures the league has ever seen, but also one of the funniest personalities in all of sports.

Whether it’s making fun of Charles Barkley on Inside the NBA on TNT, saying hysterical jokes during press conferences, obnoxiously dancing in front of the camera, or posting hysterical stuff on social media, Shaquille O’Neal turns heads with his hysterical antics.

Known as “The Big Aristotle,” “The Diesel,” “Big Daddy,” “The Big” “Shaqtis,” “Superman” and many more, you could assume Shaq is a character. We look at some of the funniest/wildest quotes Shaquille O’Neal has ever rolled off his tongue in his playing career.


Shaq on Math:

“If you go 72-11 and don’t win [the championship], it doesn’t mean anything. Actually it does. It means you’ve cheated and played an extra regular season game.” “There is no answer to the Pythagorean theorem. Well, there is an answer, but by the time you figure it out, I got 40 points, 10 rebounds and then we’re planning for the parade.”


Shaq on His Nicknames:

“I want to be known as ‘The Big Shakespeare.’ It was Shakespeare that said, ‘Some men are born great, some achieve greatness, some have greatness thrust upon them.’” “All this heaviness does not mean that I’m a monk. I’m an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy—at least I think I’m funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. “’The Big Stock Exchange.’ I start off at one price. Every now and then I’ll go down, but eventually I’ll go back up.” “’The Big IPO.’ Put your money on me. Because when I go public, we all gonna make money.” “’The Big Aristotle’ was coined the day I won the MVP last year [2000]. I stole a quote from that Greek philosopher cat: “Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.” “Can’t forget ‘The Big Antarctica’ because I’m so cold.” “’The Big Havlicek,’ which is what I called myself after making a bunch of foul shots one night. And, of course, ‘The Almighty Conceitedness.’ That’s the highest level of arrogance. I made that up, too.” “In light of today, I am retiring all my nicknames. The Big Aristotle, Shaq-Fu, The Big Shamrock, The Big Cactus, The Diesel, and finally, the one and only, original, never to be duplicated or replicated … Superman. From now on, you can call me The Big AARP. Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons.”


Shaq on his Free-Throw Shooting:

“Me shooting 40 percent at the foul line is just God’s way of saying that nobody’s perfect. If I shot 90 percent from the line, it just wouldn’t be right.”


After Shaq sank 12 free-throws one night, Sacramento Kings’ head coach Rick Adelman complained that O’Neal was stepping over the foul line. Shaq’s response…

“That game was dedicated to Rick Adelman. I’m at home, in the bathroom, trying to take a dump, flipping through the channels and he’s complaining [on TV] about how I’m stepping over the line. I can’t even do a No. 2 in peace. I’m sitting there grunting at 12:30 at night. Can I go one day without somebody saying something negative about me?” “In this millennium that we live in, the ‘Hack-a-Shaq’ has proven not to work. It might work a couple games every now and then, but when it comes to the playoffs or a championship series, it doesn’t work… not at all. “(The Hack-A-Shaq is) just a way of telling me that you can’t stop me. Thank you. I appreciate it.”


Shaq on Head Coaches: On George Karl after arguing for calls all game…

“He looks like a woman’s coach sometimes. I guess he’s just trying to get into certain people’s heads, but it won’t work with me. Like a woman who coaches and cries all the time. He can’t get in my head. He’s a crybaby.”


On New Jersey Nets head coach Lawrence Frank…

“I don’t think anything of Laura Frank. You heard me—Laura Frank. Not Lawrence. Laura… It’s not that I blame him, I just wish he’d go to a manly tactic and just fight me. Don’t whine. When he whines, that’s when I change his name of Lawrence Frank.”


Shaq Rapping About Kobe:

“You know how I be. Last week Kobe couldn’t do without me. I call myself big but I’m not as big as Biggie. I call myself big because I live next to Diddy. Excuse me, Diddy lives next me. So in the hood I feel like B.I.G. If Biggie were still here, he would be right there. Somewhere in a mansion chillin’ sittin’ on about half a billion. Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes!”


Shaq on his Acting Career:

“I was a medium-level juvenile delinquent from Newark who always dreamed about doing a movie. Someone said, ‘hey here’s 7 million, come in and do this genie movie.’ What, am I going to say, no?”


Shaq on Jerry Stackhouse After a Flagrant Foul:

“My impression was my daughters tackle me harder when I come home… It actually felt pretty good to get hit like that. Thank you, Jerry, I appreciate it.”


Shaq on why he never played for the New York Knicks:

“I think it’s a great city. I think it’s a fabulous city. But in my young juvenile days, I was an idiot, and I bought 30 cars. And I need to drive those cars, and New York isn’t really the place you can do that.”



“If you go around the league, anybody with the last name ‘vich’ is a great shooter. Radmanovic, Vujacic…all those ‘iches.’“ “I weigh 330,000 pounds…I’m the NBA’s best NFL player, and I’ve always been the sexiest 7-footer in the NBA–for 12 years running.”


Shaq’s Instagram Beef With Scottie Pippen:

In the summer of 2015, Shaquille O’Neal posted an Instagram photo of the all-time Los Angeles Lakers team vs. the Chicago Bulls’ all-time team on instagram, and asked his fans who they thought would win. Chicago Bulls legend Scottie Pippen responded by posting an Instagram photo with the caption “sorry @shaq but I don’t get caught up in hypotheticals. All I know is we won 6 titles, twice the amount you claimed in LA…” Shaquille O’Neal was not happy with Pippen’s comments, and unleashed a series of photo’s to roast Pippen. ** Be sure to read the captions on the pictures **











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